Dear Boy Friends

Dear Boy Friends

I’ll tell my friends about the first time.

I grow up a bit every time that I do

As my twelve-year-old self never expected

I would turn into someone who could say

“I was sexually assaulted.”

But now when I do, I even get to stick for the first time behind it

I was only 18 when I hit number four.

Now tell me this, that was the fourth time of how many more?

It almost isn’t even a question when sharing this with girls

I’ve stopped asking have you been, now all I ask is when

When and who was the man in your life who’s supposed to protect us

Who you convinced yourself that you could trust?

Now don’t get me wrong I have male friends who understand

They know it happens, but always in far away lands

Like they know of the girls who were gang-raped in Colombia

Or was it somewhere in Cambodia?

You say you believe the statistics

Now tell me this why is it that you specifically don’t know of any rapists?

Maybe because when I tell you about your friend Dave

You’ll laugh in my face and you say there’s no way

The first thing you question is if he knew

The second thing you question is if it may be my distorted view

But you don’t get that he didn’t listen because I didn’t agree

Now tell me this what else can the word no mean?

But for your clarification, because it’s always the girl who’s at fault.

I didn’t ask for sexual assault.

I didn’t say no and giggle

I didn’t say no while taking my panties off

I didn’t say no while putting his condom on

I said no

I said please don’t

I said I don’t want to

I was always told to raise your words, not your voice

Well let me tell you something, that didn’t work

They’re so obsessed with taking off my clothes

That I can’t tell them what they don’t want to know

They hear what I say but they’re not listening

There’s no reaction when they can feel my body stiffening

So I closed my eyes

And I quietly cried

Now tell me this, was that when my twelve-year-old self died

H.K.