Food, Beyond The Mirror

Noémie Breynaert

The urge to find food, any food. Just to fill you up. « But no, I can’t. I need to stop. But I need food, I need something. I feel so empty. I’ll compensate afterwards. But no, I can’t. I need to. Eat. Eat. Eat. I hate myself. Why would I do that? I should have stopped. Calories! So many calories. I won’t eat tomorrow. I have sports tonight; it will be fine. But no. I feel so gross. I feel sick. I need to vomit. I can’t. It won’t happen. But I need to ... Oh, thank God, I feel better. But shame on me. What have I done? So much waste. That’s the last time. It won't happen again. Never again. »

But it will happen, and many more times.

For many students, this is not a passing thought; it is a struggle they face daily, most of the time without anyone realising it. This sickness is like having a little devil voice in your head all the time, telling you that you eat too much, you look too fat, you’re not good enough… That devil follows you everywhere, all the time, and for some of us our whole lives. It may quiet down at times, but it never really leaves. And that little devil is deadlier than what we can imagine. Every year, “22% of children and adolescents worldwide show disordered eating.” And “Every 62 minutes at least one person dies as a direct result of an eating disorder.” One of them was my best friend, and I don’t want anyone to feel that pain.

Eating disorders don’t all look the same; some involve restriction, while others are circles of bingeing and purging. Here are some of the most common forms.

Anorexia Nervosa:

An extreme restriction of food intakes, which leads to a significant weight loss (though exceptions exist). This is accompanied by a distorted body image (seeing yourself as different from what you are) and an intense fear of gaining weight back. However, most people develop an obsessive-compulsive relationship with food, constantly thinking about it, cooking for others, but fearing eating in public.

There are two types of Anorexia Nervosa, the restrictive type and the binge-eating/purging type. The restrictive type is when there is a severe food restriction without bingeing or purging, and the other is periods of overeating followed by purging (vomiting, laxatives, excessive exercise).

Bulimia nervosa:

Recurrent episodes of binge-eating (consuming large amounts of food in a short time), usually with foods they would normally avoid (sweets, butter, pasta, ...) followed by a compensatory behaviour to prevent weight gain (vomiting, excessive exercise, fasting). During this episode, the person feels out of control and guilty. Unlike Anorexia, the person may maintain a “normal” or overweight body size.

Binge-eating disorder (BED):

Recurrent binge-eating episodes without compensating behaviour. Usually eating large amounts of food in a short time, often in secret. Like Bulimia, there is a feeling of lack of control during the episodes associated with guilt, shame and distress.

PICA:

Eating things that are not considered food (excluding religious or traditional context), such as ice, dirt, soil, chalk, soap, hair, paper, ... Usually associated with mental conditions such as disabilities, autism, or schizophrenia, it can lead to poisoning.

Avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder (ARFID):

This is the avoidance of food, not related to a body image concern, but due to sensory issues (fear of choking, lack of interest in eating, ...). It usually leads to significant weight loss or nutritional deficiency.

Others:

Some symptoms do not fit in any of the above categories: such as restriction with no underweight, purging with no bingeing, avoiding groups (like carbs), experiencing stress while eating, night eating, ... Or even orthorexia, which is this obsession of eating “healthy” but is not yet recognised as an eating disorder.

While each disorder is different, and each person has their own way of living it, they all share a common psychological pain and feeling of being trapped in an endless circle. The consequences go far beyond weight loss. Physically, they also include hair, nails, and tooth loss; interruption of menstrual cycles (which can cause infertility); skin problems, diabetes, vitamin deficiencies, heart failure… But the impact is also mental with depression, guilt, exclusion from others (especially during mealtime), lies (to prevent anyone noticing), loneliness, anxiety, suicidal thoughts,… All of those symptoms can be reinforced or triggered by a single sentence, a word, a picture, a situation, stress, a feeling. This is why so many teenagers and students are prone to it. With all those factors being part of our day-to-day lives, between social media, studies, friends, family.

Keep in mind that these are REAL illnesses, that it is not just people “being picky about food” or without any “real motivation” to get better. Getting better is not just a matter of wanting to get better - even if it is the first step to get there. Telling people they should “just eat” or “stop eating that much” is not the solution. Believe me when I tell you, many of them would like it to be that simple. But the Devil on their shoulder won’t just go away that easily.

That is why it is important to talk about it with your friends, family. They can affect anyone, regardless of age, gender, social background.

And remember, words have impacts. Even the smallest of them. Even if they are well-intentioned. Never comment on someone else’s physical appearance, weight, way of eating, because you never know what they are going through, and it is simply just not your problem. But if you think someone needs help, don’t wait for them to ask, don’t hesitate to alert someone. Go to that person, try to talk with them about it, go to a professional to see what you can do. Don’t let it go, you could save lives.

Being a witness in this situation is very difficult because you usually feel useless, and don't know what to do. There is no miracle solution, be there for this person, support them as best you can. But don’t force them to do anything. They need to be able to go at their own pace. And know that there will be ups and downs, and that it is normal, don’t be too impatient, it takes time.

If you recognise yourself in those thoughts and behaviours, or if they feel familiar, try to talk about it to someone you trust or a professional. Don’t self-diagnose, go and see a professional. There is no shame in admitting you need help. And recognising it is already the first step towards recovery.

Numbers:

Australia

The Butterfly Foundation Tel: 1 800 33 4673

Eating Disorders Victoria Tel: 1300 550 236 or (03) 9417 65

Belgium

ANBN Tel: ++0032 (0)16 898989

Canada

Anorexia and Bulimia Quebec (ANEB) Tel: 1 800 630-0907

National Eating Disorders Information Centre (NEDIC) Tel: 1-866-633-4220 Denmark

LMS-Landsforeningen mod spiseforstyrrelser og selvskade, National Association for Eating Disorders and Self-harm Tel: 7010 1818

France

Phare Enfants-Parents Tel: 01 43 46 00 62

Fédération Française Anorexie Boulimie (FFAB) Tel: 09 62 32 59 00

Nightline France (service d'écoute nocturne pour les étudiants) Tel: 01 88 32 12 32 Japan

摂食障害の自助・ピアサポートグループ NABA Tel: 03-3302-0710

Netherlands

MIND Hulplijn Tel: 0900 1450

99 Gram Chat lijn (online chat) - 99gram.nl

New Zealand

Eating Disorders Association of New Zealand Tel: 0800 2 EDANZ

United States of America

Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders (ANAD) Tel: 630-577-1330 National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) Tel: 800-931-2237

The Elisa Project (Texas) Tel: 866-837-1999